Month 2 · Lead Self
Empty the Invisible Ledger
Expose hidden expectations and release the scorekeeping that drains emotional authority.
Capacity being formed
Emotional Freedom
Recognize offense, shame, fear, and unresolved expectations without letting them run the room.
Evidence of formation
One recurring trigger loses intensity and produces a clear repair, boundary, or release.
Signorelli wisdom
“It finds the pile of unspoken expectations, unhealed disappointments, and buried frustrations.”
Offense is often a spark landing on dry timber.
We are not excusing what happened. We are finding the expectation, disappointment, and protective response that gave it continuing power.
Biblical anchor · ESV
“See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.”
Your discovery tool
Expectations Ledger
Complete the Expectations Ledger: person, unspoken expectation, perceived debt, protective response, honest grief, responsible request, and release.
Person + event
Name the person and describe the event using only observable facts.
Expectation
Finish: “I expected them to ____ because ____.” Mark whether it was spoken and agreed.
Debt + protection
Name what you believe is owed and how you now protect yourself: pursue, punish, prove, withdraw, control, or rehearse.
Clean response
Choose grief, a specific request, a boundary, repair, or release. Write the first sentence.
Your session journey
One discovery. One rehearsal. One covenant.
You never have to perform for your coach. Bring one real situation and stay close to what is true, usable, and within your responsibility.
0–7
Arrive
Rate present intensity 0–10; name one desired outcome.
7–15
Witness
Name what changed, what helped, and what remains difficult.
15–25
Language
Underline one phrase; explain it in your own words; choose the phrase you need today.
25–45
Expectations Ledger
Write concise answers for all four fields using one current, concrete situation.
45–57
Locate
Name the governing story, protection, motive, expectation, or system and the cost it creates.
57–70
Rehearse
Practice the new response out loud; receive feedback; repeat until the first step is clear and natural.
70–82
Prescribe
Select the practice, calendar it, and identify the witness or environmental support.
82–90
Covenant
State one commitment, one witness, one due date, and one piece of evidence. Rate confidence 0–10; shrink the plan if below 7.
Why the practice can work
Why naming the emotion helps
In an fMRI study, putting feelings into words was associated with reduced amygdala response and greater activity in a prefrontal regulatory region. SLS uses plain emotional language to create a pause before action—not to diagnose or suppress emotion.
Read the primary source →Lieberman et al. (2007), Psychological Science, 18(5), 421–428
Thirty-day prescription
Practice until it becomes available under pressure.
At each trigger
Complete the six-line Trigger Pause before sending, confronting, posting, or withdrawing.
Evidence: Three trigger records with intensity rated before and after from 0–10.
Once this month
Complete one safe repair, clear request, boundary, or release.
Evidence: Date, exact words used, response received, and what you still own.
Care + scope boundary
Release never requires unsafe access, denial of harm, or reconciliation without repentance and repair. Refer abuse, trauma, self-harm, or clinical symptoms to a qualified professional.
Monthly evidence review
Measure formation in real life.
Private reflection
Whom are you still charging interest on an old emotional debt?
Source lineage
Original SLS facilitation design synthesized from Mike Signorelli’s books and leadership frameworks. Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, used by permission. All rights reserved.